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Puppy dog & Flowers



September 8th, 2010

What cheers you up the most when life gets you down?

The 1 thing that ALWAYS cheers me up TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY WITHOUT ANY DOUBT IS. . . . . MY DOG!!! I know it sounds stupid, but I can come home in a totally pissed off, wanna burn the town down mood and when I come home and he's jumping and turning in circles with excitement just waiting for me to pet him or scratch his back; it honestly lifts all the negative feelings or thoughts I am having for the rest of the day! I know without a doubt no matter who I am or what I do in life he will always love me and be there TO BE SPOILED! 
 Awww my baby!
Are there any sentimental objects that you've kept for many years? Are there any that you bring with you wherever you go?

I have this white silk blanket like material that was given to be by my great grandmother when I was a little girl, it use to be hers when she was little. She had it as little girl and it survived with her in the concentration camp she was in, in Germany during the Holocaust. It was one of the few things that survived the trip to America with her and I still have it. Super precious heirloom, I utterly adore it and the memories with her.
Which year would you consider the best of your life so far?

I haven't had that year yet, but when I do I'll let you know!

Found This Quote

Easy Button
"I always knew I wanted to be someone when I grew up.
         Now I realize I should've been more specific! "

This quote fits my life perfectly! When I seen it I had an epiphany... or so it seemed; since I never had one before I didn't really know what they felt like! But that saying made me want to get up and do something with my life. But then the moment passed and I got bored again! Man is it a lot of work trying to figure out your true passion in life! I feel like I would have to walk the Great Wall of China for a year to figure out what the "Meaning of Life" is! Screw that WHERE'S THE EASY BUTTON WHEN YOU NEED IT!

It's only Wednesday, but it feels like Monday! Can this week go any slower! BOO for life right now; I'm not a fan at the moment! 

May 25th, 2010

Random Thought

Puppy dog & Flowers

You know I'm sitting here listening to music at work with my iPod earphones in and I realized...

Everytime I go to grab the earphones I make sure I put the earphone with the L on it in the left ear and so on. Then I accidently put the R in the Left ear and the L in the right ear and it just seemed WRONG, like they just did not fit in my ear the right way!!! This is some sort of mind game Apple plays on ppl to think that these earphones really have to be in the correct ear in order to feel right?! This is anarchi I tell ya!!! 

I will be picketing this issue in front of the Apple Store in New York ASAP!!! ROAD TRIP :)

I love the life of a PUMA!

Puppy dog & Flowers

 When I seen this SNL episode with Justin Bieber and his Cougar of a Teacher I almost passed out from laughter! It has literally got to be the funniest thing I've seen in years, and YES I do suffer from a severe case of "Bieber Fever" But it's not cause his innocent boyish (semi) good looks, or they way his hair knows exactly where to fall everytime he flips his hair, but it's because of his young (not broken in yet) Justin Timberlake-esk smooth voice! Yes I said it! The boy melts my stone cold heart when he belts out his catchy ballets and I feel like a warm crackling camp fire when the lyrics escape past his lips! But you know what I love me some Bieber and I'm not affraid to say I've got the FIEBER... I meant FEVER! :)

Also to go along with the BIEBER Fest I live in everyday, today is the 1st day with my personal trainer "Chris".... How personal we'll get is yet to be determined, since he looks like a slice of heaven mixed with an exact look a like of Channing Tatum!



So I just hope that he can keep his hands off of me during our session because the bathrooms at our gym are not that private! I DON'T MIND IF HE DOESN'T HEYYYYY :) I'll get a good sweat going either way! :) Can't wait for him to spot me on the bench press! :)

May 10th, 2010

Well this weekend was a blast... because I finally got out of the house! 

Saturday we took a girls day out and went to Fashion Bug! WOO HOO I haven't been clothes shopping in such a long time. Plus it was nice to get out and go shopping with my mom and "sister in-law" and I only spent $30 (YES IT WAS IN MY BUDGE) :) After spending the day out shopping we picked up my little cousin, who you will see is cheesing really hard! Can we say future model?

After we picked her up we went to the tattoo shop for to discuss with the guys about my next artwork, can't wait for that i'm TOTALLY pumped! Then we went to eat dinner and we went to the gym! Which i have successfully lost 17 lbs and kept it off, and I only managed to gain 3 lbs back on my trip to New York and thankfully I got rid of those extra pounds as well! YAY!!!!

Then after dinner I went to some friends house to watch the UFC fight Machisa vs. Shogun (HAD A BLAST & I'm still pissed Koscheck won---LOSER) and while we were watching the fight I was grooming my friends dog who hasn't had a haircut in over a year! NASTY!! It took alot of work but she finally looks like a Yorkie again and not a big ball of a knot!

Sunday was of course Mother's Day

My brother took all of us out for a family lunch/dinner. And the resturaunt was effected by the floods that happened last weekend...come to find out their whole building was flooded from that storm, up to 8 inches of water in the building! Which would explain the SUPER FOWL smell that was coming from the carpet! EWWWWWWW, but the food was AMAZING (yes we still ate there) and yes I would look past the smell a stinky carpet for some great steak and shrimp :) After that we just hung out at my mom's house and I pulled up my credit report.... as the great Jack Travis once said...
"Getting to a higher spiritual level is like increasing your credit score. You get a lot more points for sinning and repenting than if you have no credit history at all."
And that is definately sooo true! Anyways so yesterday was a chill day, nothing exciting happened!
Now I'm at work trying to keep my eyes open and stay alert. This rainy day may just win the battle!!!

May 7th, 2010

Life & Looking Back!


You know, I'm not one for much of this "Looking Back on Life" business, but I was reading someone’s journal entry and it started to make me think.
I woke up this morning from an AMAZING DREAM, nothing scandalous or exotic, but a dream that is exactly what I want in my life right now! You know one of those dreams that gives you a little pep in your step for the rest of the day, but then again the type of dream you feel will never come true so it also bums you out at the same time? Yeah it was that kind of dream.

And after I read that journal entry I started to think back...

I only have a few memories of middle school; you know the good old days of pure and solitaire freedom. The days when going out in the yard or playing in the fields with your friends was the BEST of times! When going to a movie with just you and your friends were the KEWLEST thing ever! Man I miss those days! I remember counting down the days to summer in my agenda; I just could not wait for it to get here. And when it finally arrived I spent all my time sleeping in until 1pm or 2pm and then staying up until 5 am when no one was up or nothing was going on. Oh the sweet innocents of those days.

Then I look back at high school and I think, "Oh those were some good times." But then I start to search thru my memoris, and it actually makes me sort of sad, because I don't have all those "Awesome HIGH SCHOOL Stories" to tell. I may have a few but they were all vicariously lived thru my older brother and his crazy harebrained friends! But I don't have any of those stories to tell myself! I never did anything wild and crazy or broken the law (besides speeding). So I start to look back and I wonder "Why was I so lame?"  Why didn't I do any of the fun, crazy things my brother did? Maybe because I seen the stress it caused my mother and I didn't want to be the burden he was and because all the stunts he pulled I had to help pick up the pieces after the aftermath and terror had been done, forcing me to grow up much faster than I should have had to. But with that knowledge I should have at least done stuff and not gotten caught :) or done it a different way! Why didn't I have the fun he had when I was in high school. My friends did, they were the crazy group that partied every weekend and went out smashing pumpkins and eggs on teachers lawns. We'd get decked out for all the football games and make total fools of ourselves at the pep rallies, but when it came to fun outside of school and parties I was always at home! I didn't excel in my studies, hell I wasn't even good at school work! Besides football games and a few dances (that I was totally forced to attend) I didn't go to prom, I didn't go to parties, and I didn't get good grades! Looking back on all that I didn't do I can't believe I actually even graduated! WHAT THE HELL DID I DO IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!?

Well after high school do you think I went to college? HELL NO! I was "taking a break" we all know what that means! And as you can tell I never got off that "break" I went straight into the real world with a job and responsibilities, so I didn't get to have that college experience either! Who knows if I would've even done anything fun once I got there? I probably would've sat in my dorm all day and done nothing!!! 
So I have no exciting stories to tell or fun experiences to share, all my stuff looks like petty innocent "fun" compared to all the other stories I hear ppl talk about! It makes me jealous and it makes me wonder if I blew the best of times for myself?

I look back on the last couple of years and I’m proud of what I’ve done for myself. I may not have excelled in school but I have excelled in life. I have a nice house of my own, a beautiful brand new car (LEXUS, HAHA), a good family, and honestly the best dog/doggy child anyone could have asked for. 1st job I ever had (literally the day I turned 16) I was there a week and they wanted me to become a Shift Leader (but because of school I wasn't allowed to take the position) and after 6 months of being at that job I was forced to quit because of basketball and work was conflicting with my schedule. Then after I graduate high school that year I got another job and for this job and the next I excelled tremendously for my age, in all these businesses. I was promoted to some of the highest positions in every job I had. And now as I sit here I look at the job I have now, when I filled out the application I thought to myself "OH NO WAY THEY'D HIRE ME,” I have no college education and I’ve never even worked in retail before." and wouldn't you know a few weeks later I got the call that I got the job. I was picked out of over 500 applications. They chose me? Really! No retail experience and no college. How did this happen? And not only did I really enjoy my new job, I WAS/AM PRETTY DAMN GOOD AT WHAT I DO! When I started the job I took off and absorbed as much information as I could. Learning and doing and exceeding... I had ppl at my office and higher management telling me how amazed they were on how quick I picked everything up and amazed at how well I was going everything! I was feeling good! But, some time down the road and here I sit, again, thinking.... what have I done with my life? I've excelled in all of my "careers", yet I'm still not happy or fulfilled or both! I'm bored with life and have no idea what I want out of it. Everyone keeps telling me to go to school and I’ll figure it out from there. But I don't know if what I want from school is an education or the experiences I’ve never made for myself?!?!

Then comes love, and never marriage. I am still young and I do not plan on marriage and children for some time now, at least not for another 5 years or so. But when it comes to love I don't have much experience. I was truly in love once; in a relationship for 4 years will do that to you. And we all know the ending on that, he broke my heart into tiny little pieces, yet I still loved him with all of those little pieces and with the pieces he took with him when he left. Now I see him from time to time and it kills me to think of the memories of how we grew up together and literally grew in love with one another as well. And now I will see him around with his WIFE and NEW BABY, as I shake my head in disagreeance and fight back the tears, I don't know how one ever makes it thru that kind of pain to tell about it. Heartbreak is something I would never EVER wish on anyone, not even my worst of enemies. I see him and I try to picture myself in "HER" shoes. I couldn't see myself married and with a child. I would love to still be with him, but minus all the current circumstances. And I guess maybe that's the reason we aren’t together. We just weren't on the same road and it was time for our paths to separate. And apparently the separating of 2 different paths from one is an EXTREMLY painful process. A process I hope to never have to go thru again. I hope love will find me again, SOON, someday. But I hope I dodge heartache and separation like a bullet forever.
I find myself daydreaming of love and how perfect and magical it is. And then I turn on the TV and see Rock-of-Love or Dr. Phil and I realize it's all just a dream. How could something ppl write about so vividly in books be even remotely true? Maybe the only reason we read about it is because it's a fantasy and no one really knows what it looks like in real life. It doesn't help to read books like that when you’re in a daydream state because it just taints the picture you have of love in your head even more. So when you actually find love it's nothing like you've expected and it lets you down time and time again.
And so love happens again and then comes along a friend, a guy friend. Who you're friends with for years, and you laugh at and keep denying to all the crazy people that keep telling you "I know something’s going on between you two." You both deny it strongly and laugh telling them their crazy. Then one day, years down the road from the start of your friendship you’re both together hanging out with friends and someone says it again, but this time instead of laughing, you sort of look at each other and the thought crosses your mind that "Hmmmmm. Maybe" and then you deny it so no one around you has time to catch that moment that you realize maybe there is something more? As you continue to spend time together as normal you start to notice little things you never caught before. You start to take notes on things he likes and dislikes so if the opportunity ever comes up you'll know what he likes. Or you notice that when you're riding in the car together that he always plays the music so loud but as soon as you start to talk he turns it down so he can hear exactly what you're saying. You also start to notice that when he's working on his car how HOT he looks with a simple wife beater and dirt on his muscular arms. And it comes to a point when he starts to ask you what you think about certain things… like what you find attractive in a guy, and the one time you slip in what you think is the hottest thing about a guy or what he does and the next day you notice he's doing or wearing EXACTLY what you told him you liked. And at that moment you realize there is starting to become more than just friendship between you two.
As the months go by you to start to get more comfortable with this new found realization that there's a spark and you flirt more and this flirting isn't just silly guy/girl friend stuff. Its serious subliminal messages you're sending to each other.
Then one day it happens, somehow out of the blue, you kiss, and as you pull back you don't believe what just happened. And so follows the discussion of what would happen if you were more than just friends and you realize his only reason holding him back is his shallow ways, BUT you continue to shake your head and agree that being friends is the best thing, when your head is trying to beat its way out of your skull to open your mouth and tell him what you really think, or your heart is trying so hard to beat out of your chest the words you've longed to tell him for so long. Then in that very moment you realize you've had these feelings for him since the day he introduced himself and you shook hands. Your stomach feels not only like it's completely filled with butterflies, but that you also have every animal that lives in the jungle in your stomach, that is trying to warn your body that if you don't tell him how you feel you'll either throw up or pass out. As you sit there and shake your head in agreeance like an idiot you realize for the 1st time your muscles in your neck are not listening to anything your mind, heart, or stomach is telling it and it continues to shake your head in a yes motion with an idiotic grin plastered on your face. As time then slowly creeps on, you still spend time together but now every minute you're together you're soaking in everything he says or does and you're totally infatuated with him and you get the vibe he's feeling the same. You carry on this way for a while in total blind idiocy just so that you can use this "FRIENDSHIP" to see him every day or to be able to call each other just to hear each other’s voice. Even if it's him calling to say "It's raining over here and my cables out, is yours working?" when you both know why this phone call even happened. Because you couldn't bare to go even 1 day without hearing each other’s voice, yet here you sit calling each other for stupid reasons just so you can talk. Instead of pushing aside all the STUPID nonsense shallow reasons you're not together right now, even though you know this would be one of those fantasy relationships and you 2 are absolutely and irrevocable perfect for each other. Then there’s that one day just when you think everything’s great and he's the 1st thing you think of when you wake up and the last thought that goes thru your head before you sleep, and you wake up one day waiting for a call or the smallest opportunity to drive over and meet him, for lunch, or dinner, or for him to help you buy new windshield wiper blades, or you need your oil changed (even though you just had it changed at the shop 2 weeks ago). And as that phone call takes place or that smallest meet up moment happens, he tells you "You'll never believe! I met this really cool chick. I can't wait for you to meet her. You 2 will get along GREAT."

As I scream to myself in my head. "REALLY RIGHT NOW! REALLY!!! This is what I came here for or this is what you called me about!!! I'm gonna kill her (just simply cause) then I’m gonna kill you!" as your mouth moves and speaks "That's cool. I can't wait." but you don't even recognize your own voice because you would never speak these words in such a preposterous situation. As you sit there shocked you don't remember what events lead up to this moment nor will you remember what events happened the rest of that day. You go home and for the next few days you curse the situation and think of ways to ruin their NEW relationship. You also remind yourself that you two are perfect for each other and he'll realize that just how perfect you two are when he gets with her.

So this chick will be a blessing for your future relationship with him! :) Because that thought is all that is keeping you from jumping off a bridge right now.

As a few days pass by everything is still the same you 2 flirt and carry on as normal. Good, nothing’s changed! :) And then you realize a day or so has passed and you haven’t' talked or seen each other. And then you finally meet this girl, and "Honestly, I don't know what's so great about her because she's nothing compared to what I am." Or "She's nothing like the type of girl he's interested in. What the hell is does he see in her?"
As time goes by, YOU KNOW they'll split up soon, they have to, because I’m perfect for him, NOT HER! Then you start to speak less and less and not see each other near as much and somehow, someway you hear or he mentions,  “she" doesn't like how close of friends you are and “she” doesn't like how much you guys hang out or talk and before you know it this B*ITCH has your man wrapped around her finger . You try to push the thoughts of her spending YOUR TIME with him and having the moments with him that you had, to the back of your mind. As the moments pass you realize it's been days, weeks, even months before you've spoken or seen each other and the next thing, you get a text, voicemail, email, or text from another friend, somehow you find out.... THEY'RE ENGAGED!!!! WTF do you mean ENGAGED. They've been together 1/8 of the time you all were friends!!!! What is he thinking! WAIT he’s NOT thinking. OH, but not only are they engaged "SHE'S PREGNANT" as you faint to the floor you pray either no one will see you or a stranger will help you back to your feet.
How do you go on from here? You have to secretly deal with this heartbreak, because you've told ALL your friends "NOTHINGS GOING ON BETWEEN US." And here there was! Something so deep was happening and now you feel you still have to deny it!
Months go by and you hear she's had the baby or the wedding has happened and you laugh because you know the baby will be ugly like her or it won't really be his (OH THE SCANDALS) :) or the marriage won't last. And then you realize how foolish you're being. You two use to be the BESTEST of friends and here you are hoping everything will crash and burn in his life (including that ugly b*tch that forbid him to talk or hang out with you.)  And so more months or a year goes by and you hear glimpses of things that are going on with him from mutual friends you two use to share, or you see them in Wal-Mart and RUN down the opposite isle hoping he didn't see you dodge out of there like a fool. Because you are "JUST SOOOO HAPPY FOR THEM." that you don't want to accidentally run into either of them and barf all over their shoes. :)  So after this little ALMOST run in, you replay the whole scenario of your past between you and him in your head for a few days and eventually you learn to carry on with life, and momentarily you have something that tugs at your memory of your past with him and you run it thru your head again . Therefore kicking yourself for ever letting him get away and missing the amazing friendship you had if not anything else.

Yeah as you can guess this has all happened to me. Just another kick in the shins from life, whatta ya gonna do?!
So as I sit here and look back I wonder what else life will hold for me. Will I finally find the meaning of life or the fountain of youth (let's not hope the later, seeing how my life's a total bore.) Will I ever just be happy with life and realize I am doing GREAT. And my life could be far worse than my small little mellow drama.  And believe it or not as I type out (part of) my life story I am actually in a fantastic mood today. All due in fact of course to the amazing sleep I received from the sleeping god's last night and to the perfect fantasy dream I had as well. I am in a rather chipper mood even after this array of negative stories I have just told you. So how will this story end? Well as of right now it will end with me in a melancholy mood and me wrapping this "novel" up. I will leave this Journal Entry in a good mood (and starving since its way past lunch) and with the thoughts of so many memories of life and the people around me. I've told my story for today and I am on my way. On my way to making the rest of my life...

Writer's Block: Nirvana

Puppy dog & Flowers
What is your favorite place in the world? What makes it so meaningful to you? How often do you visit or imagine being there?

My BEDROOM!!! Weird I know, but after a hard day or just being totally stressed there's nothing like walking into my bedroom that's ALWAYS the perfect tempeture, always has a specific calming aroma, and is always 100% inviting! There's nothing like walking into the room and falling face first into a mass of cool pillows and blankets. Talk about PURE NIRVANA!!! That ironically is my ideal favorite place!

Do you believe in UFOs? Do you have a gut dis/belief or do you rely on empirical proof?

Well I sort of believe! I mean there's nothing out there that shows me that this UFO/ALIEN stuff doesn't exist. And I mean we are "aliens from another planet" so to speak. So if we can exist on another planet why can't there be other life forms out there?
I've seen more stuff to prove that there is and just a bunch of skeptics trying to prove that there isn't! So sure, why not?!

You know I just read someone's response to this topic and it started to make me think...
Something was said about how aggressive our government is and about how if they did land here we would probe them and disect them.
And when you think about it's absolutely true, just like what happened with the Roswell Case. According to all the video and stuff out there we poked and prodded them to no end. So it's not wonder people say they are PROBED when they are "abducted by aliens." Hell it's because we as a living creature are all CURIOUS as hell. So we probe them just like the would probe us! Anyways that thought came to me and I just had to add it!
:) Happy Abducting Everyone! :)

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